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Archaeologists Announce Startling Discovery!

A fragment of papyrus of a hitherto unknown Hebrew document purportedly telling the story of an Irish lass’s visit to the court of King Solomon has been unearthed in a cave just outside Jerusalem.  Dated ca. 350-300 B.C. the fragment does not reveal the purpose of Miss Jenny’s visit.  However, historians speculate that unlike the Queen of Sheba, who came to Israel to investigate reports of King Solomon’s vast wisdom, this lass’s trip to Palestine was accidental, probably occuring ca. 960-950 B.C. when her boat was blown off the Irish coast in a gale.  After an unknown number of weeks at sea, the boat apparently passed into the Mediterranean and likely came ashore near Joppa.  The following is a translation of the fragment.

“King Solomon asked of his maid, ‘Whoest art thou, and from whence did ye come?’  Standing before the king with unadorn feet, the maid replied unto King Solomon, saying, ‘May the king live forever!  I am Jenny of Kilkenny of the land of Erin.’  And King Solomon was amazed by the maid’s speech and he marveled at her beauty, for there was none like her in all of Isreal.  Nor could the Kingdoms of Egypt and Babylon boast a maid as beautiful as Jenny.  And King Solomon commandethed, ’Send forth every scribe and every wiseman of Israel and let them searchest throughout all of Israel for a lamb of the fairest fleece that I mayest compare it against my maid’s skin.  And every scribe and every wiseman of Israel went forth and searched all of Israel for a lamb of fairest fleece, just as King Solomon had commandeth.  But nowhere in all Israel could a lamb be found with fleece as fair as Jenny’s skin.  Then King Solomon commandethed, ‘Send to the keeper of the royal treasury and have him bring forth the most brilliant emerald in all the royal treasury of Israel that I mayest compare its brilliance against my maid’s eyes.’  So they sent for the keeper of the royal treasury just as King Solomon had commandeth, but none of the emeralds in the treasury of Israel could compare to Jenny’s eyes.  Then King Solomon commandethed the royal cup-bearer, ‘Lightest thou a fire and build it up and fan the flames until the fire burns fierce that I mayest compare the flame’s radiance against my maid’s fiery hair.’  So the royal cupbearer lit a fire and built it up and fanned it until it burnt fierce just as King Solomon had commandeth.  But even the radiance of the fiercest flame could not compare with Jenny’s hair.  Finally, seeing that there was no lamb throughout all Israel possessed of a fleece as fair as Jenny’s skin, nor any emerald in all the royal treasury as brilliant as Jenny’s eyes, nor any flame whose radiance could compareth to Jenny’s hair, King Solomon was amazed and spoke unto Jenny, saying, ‘There is no lamb in all of Isreal whose fleece is as fair as thine skin, nor is there any emerald in all the royal treasury of Isreal as brilliant as thine eyes, nor can my royal cup-bearer produce any flame as radiant as thine hair.  Therefore, beforest thou depart unto thine own land, askest thou me for anything in all of Israel and it shall be given unto you.  For thou hast found favor in mine sight.’  Now, Jenny of Kilkenny was a shrewd woman, and she answered King Solomon, saying, ‘May the king live forever!  If thy maid hast found favor in thine sight, then givest thou me the Ark of the Covenant.’  Now King Solomon was grieved by Jenny’s request and he rent his royal robes and he keened most pitifully and repent in ashes.  But since King Solomon had sayethed, ‘Thou hast found favor in mine sight,” the king was bound to grant Jenny’s request.  Therefore, when the time came for Jenny to depart unto her own land, King Solomon called for the high priest and had the Ark of the Covenant brought forth and gaveth it unto Jenny.  And as Jenny placethed the Ark of the Covenant aboard her vessel wrought of skins of the beasts of the field, King Solomon spoketh unto the high priest, saying, ‘She sighed and she swore that she never would deceive me.  But the devil take the women for they never can be easy.’ And the high priest answered King Solomon soothingly, saying, ‘Whack-fa-la-da-dee-oh, there’s whiskey in the jar!’”

Should this amazing document prove authentic, historians admit that this sheds new light on the origin of the lyrics of “Whiskey in the Jar!” In fact, the idea that seanchai may have actually preserved a heretofore unknown Solomomic proverb in an Irish drinking song is truly remarkable.  Moreover, archeologists admit that they may have been searching for the long lost Ark of the Covenant in all the wrong places.  Soon, they may find themselves scouring the Emerald Isle for Jenny’s forgotten cairn, which just might conceal the Ark.  I suggest they start their search in County Kilkenny, Leinster Province.

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